Stop talking to children and start Acting. The power in observation. Gardner RH

Why children do not listen. The power of observation.
On average, a child hears 80% of does and does not. With the common phrase “do as I say but do not do as I do?” we forget that children learn not be hearing but by observation.  They learn from models all around them, on television, in the playing fields, neighbors at school among others. Am sure at one point in life you noticed your boy coming from a school with imaginary gestures of Spiderman, Captain America, or even soldiers yet there is no such character in the house or even neighborhood. You now know where they picked them. I once heard my seven-year-old daughter sing; “How far I’ll Go” song in Moana movies, I could not believe, so calm composed with the right pronunciation of words and flow to the song. Seated looking on, I was blown away, and later after she had finished singing, I was eager to know where she learned it! “Television,” was her response. Children are observing and learning from their environment.
As parents and guardians, we are always quick to judge them, yet they are out learning. It doesn’t mean whenever a child observes someone doing something bad, it will do it in return. Sometimes they are just observing and learning. On average parents will shout at them to stop, yet they do not listen at all, all they do is observe. The modeled behavior children tend to imitate largely depends on the level of reinforcement those behaviors receive. Imitation follows positive reinforcement within the individual observing it. 
When my daughter was 3-4 years old I wanted to instill a habit of saying goodnight before going to bed.  At first, it was not easy because I found myself always reminding her, I come up with a new strategy of hugging her and saying goodnight. With this additional act in the process, she could not go to bed without the hug. One day I come home late and was out talking to the security guard about some issues, she comes out, “Goodnight daddy.” she said. “Goodnight sweetheart ” I responded, a few minutes back she was still standing out there, suddenly, it flashed into my mind I rushed to her gave her a warm hug, and then she walked away to her room happy with her teddy bear in her hands. The 
“hug” was positive enforcement of the behavior of the act. There are so many ways to promote certain positive behaviors such as encouraging, acceptance rewards from an adult work best. The same also applies when they observe negative reinforcements, such as swearing and scolding.
To model our children positively, the following should be incorporated in our dailies.
Be intentional about the nature and environment surrounding your children. Positivity should be the “scent” or attitude. Try hard to create more positive behaviors for the child. Talk about them, encourage them and always reward, emotionally, and physically for their good efforts. Minimized negativity, aggressiveness, and violence in their presence. This can range from movies and games. Always ask yourself; what would I do if was him or her, ask yourself would I be proud of that behavior? If no help them if yes let them be, and learn.
Set sometime during the week to talk to your children; either immediately when something bad happens or schedule some time to talk about it. Either way, do not let it pass. Teach what constitutes acceptable and helpful behavior. Aim at doing as you say not just saying because they always observe to cooperate what they know to what they see out of you doing or acting.
Changing yourself first will help them change as they continue to observe your actions. Keep in mind that, children will tend to avoid those people that did not match their talk with their actions in the future, in some instances, they seek guidance and support from outside other than their own family because they no longer trust them. All you told them as they grew become irrelevant, which they associate with you. Better not to tell them if you cannot do the talk. 
For your children’s wellbeing and your being, try to become uneducated, live by doing other that said, they learn best by observing not talking to them. Be curious to know and learn what they are doing that stopping what they are doing without knowing why. This attitude connects will connect you more and build a level of trust and association good for growth and understanding.  
By: Gardner (Dr. Rwakiseta Herbert)
      Founder; MindTitans Africa 
                     - CaMa
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